hike!

the Well - 08/24/06

I did not expect things to end up the way they did tonight, but all the same- it proved to be one hell of a barely attended show (thanks in no part to the hard-working, ever-entertaining A Javelin Reign, thanks boys for rocking what dozen people there were at The Well, and for dedicating a track to a drunken boy who bought you three a pitcher. Thanks also to Children of Flies and Severed Serenity for making this drunken chain-smokers night all the more magical.

And though I don't think it needs to be said, Kyle looks like a fucking badass white-trash dude in that sleeveless with the cowboy hat on.

Peace and Evol.

-Christian

Darkest Hour w/ Versus the Mirror, From a Second Story Window, and Misery Signals at The Habitat

It's 7:00 p.m. I'm in line to see Darkest Hour and an unholy host of metal-ish bands at the Habitat in downtown Kelowna, but it just doesn't seem like the right time for metal. Don't get me wrong, in my books it is always a good time for metal- but standing in line, half-drunk and coming down from a mid-afternoon high, happy rays of sunshine beaming down on a crowd of gaunt, scenester ragamuffins- the whole thing just didn't seem very metal. Then again, I seriously needed to use the bathroom, and what's more metal than bowel cramps and an excess of excrement?

A lack of communication with the promoters left me with a lack of a ticket, and the show was sold out so I had to wait until the opening act Versus the Mirror finished their set before I could file on in and find a good place to thrash about like a sweaty epileptic. The only thing I can remember about Versus the Mirror is thinking, "this is so meh-talcore", and then thinking how that wasn't clever at all, and probably shouldn't go in the review. Well, fuck you- metal isn't about being clever, it's about bowel-shuddering bass, Satan, long hair, and growling like the Cookie Monster.

From A Second Story Window knew what metal was all about, even if lead vocalist William Jackson looked like Anthony Kiedis in a Polo shirt. Their shotgun blast-beats and grinding guitar assualt left many a jaw dropped, but their sharp turns in time signatures kept the casual onlookers from really movin'. After a short break and a quick trip outside to get some air, Misery Signals were set to take the stage. I’m not going to deny that Misery Signals have a large, growing fan-base, and they certainly threw the crowd into a frenzy, but I couldn't help but think how thunderously bland they were. I couldn't have cared less though, as no more than a half-hour later they were moving their gear and making room for Darkest Hour. Darkest Hour left my body destroyed. I remember very little of their set other than the total euphoric feeling one gets while being utterly floored by a wall of pummelling drums, guitars, bass, and vocals- oh, and they came back for an encore as their drummer danced in his underwear. I also remember shouting "DRUM SOLO!" I woke up the next morning a total wreck; feedback ringing in my ears, and the worst bangover I've ever had in my life.

Thank you Darkest Hour.

Wasting's! A Time

Freedom is nearly mine. In less than two weeks time I'll be boarding a series of planes, headed for home. It's been a while since my last post, but in the meantime I've been drafting reviews for the first two issues of The Phoenix. The first issue will be sent to the printers on August 28th, to hit newstands on September 5th, 2006. In that issue I'll be reviewing Danielson's Ships, the self-titled debut from Be Your Own Pet, and Gnarl's Barkley's St. Elsewhere. Darkest Hour, From a Second Story Window, Misery Signals, and some other metalcoresque band will be playing The Habitat in Kelowna on August 22nd, and my review of their show will also appear in the first issue- if I'm lucky, I'll get an interview too.

On Friday, September 1st, Rob, Mona, myself, and potentially Dorian will be hitting the road to see Of Montreal play The Plaza Club in Vancouver. M. Ward will be playing the following night at the same club, and you can bet if Rob's schedule will allow for it, I'll be covering it.

I've ordered a lot of shit online recently and I'm keeping my fingers crossed hoping that my stuff will actually make it to my new address. In case you were wondering what I'm waiting for, here's the list below. Which, I'm sure you don't, but here it is anyways- sucka!


Kaki King, Until We Felt Red
Acid Mothers Temple & The Cosmic Inferno, Starless & Bible Black Sabbath
Acid Mothers Temple & The Melting Paradiso U.F.O., Have You Seen the Other Side of the Sky?
Oneida, Happy New Year
Aloha, Some Echoes
Excepter, Alternation
Genghis Tron, Dead Mountain Mouth
Liars, Drums Not Dead
Gorillaz: Demon Days, Live in Manchester (DVD)
Hella, Concentration Face (DVD) / Homeboy (cdep)
Tetsuo: The Iron Man (Tartan Asia Extreme DVD)
Ichi the Killer (Tartan Asia Extreme, Uncut Special Edition DVD)
The Doom Generation (Full Screen DVD)
&
Seaguy, by Grant Morrison, in trade paperback.

Well, that's all for now.
Adios Amigos!
-Christian

The Melting Paradiso U.F.O. Returns! - Excepter Releases New Album on 5RC - Xiu Xiu Fans Are Muy Intelligente - & MONO Makes Another Death Threat!

Barely 11:30 and already I've done a fair share of writing today, granted most of it was in email form- working on some section ideas for the Phoenix with Mona. I also managed to draft a review of Starless & Bible Black Sabbath by The Acid Mothers Temple & The Cosmic Inferno (pictured above), which was released on Alien8 Recordings sometime in March. Also, The Acid Mothers Temple & The Melting Paradiso U.F.O. have returned for a year-long hiatus, releasing Have You Seen the Other Side of the Sky, on Ace Fu Records. That's two records, by two different configurations of the same band- there's still time left in 2006 to make that 3. I can guaruntee you will be hearing more my thoughts on Makoto Kawabata's profusely prolific "soul collective" in the months to come.

In other musical goings on...

Eceletic, free-electronic experimentalists Excepter released their first full-length album, Alternation, on 5 Rue Christine yesterday. As the title suggests, the album alternates seamlessly between live and studio recordings, blurring the lines between composition and performance, mind and body, and constantly confounding listeners in either setting. I was a huge fan of 2005's Throne, released on LOAD Records, but was decidedly split in my feelings towards their Sunbomber e.p., which was dropped in January of 2006 on 5RC.

Here's a taste of what you can expect from Excepter:

Rock Stepper (from Alternation)

Dawn Patrol (from Sunbomber)

Xiu Xiu will be releasing their next full-length, titled The Air Force, on September 12th, 2006. Covering your ears and cowering in a corner already? Listen to what the Wikipedia entry on The Air Force has to has to say about the album's intruiging title: "The album's name was picked so that google generated ads would bring up advertisements payed for by the US Armed Forces and therefore waste the war monger's money on Xiu Xiu fans who are intelligent and well versed in global politics, capitalism, and empire." Did you hear that? Xiu Xiu's fans are intelligent and well versed in global politics, capitalism, and empire! Wowee Zowie! I always found Xiu Xiu's music to be more dissonant and cacophonous than pretentiously radical, but leave it to Jamie Stewart to prove me wrong with an album cover that features the face of Jesus- whose two teary eyes represent the Twin Towers. My only hope is that The Air Force is an improvement on La Floret, which despite the positive review I gave it, was nowhere near as enjoyable as 2005's Fabulous Muscles.

And last, but certainly not least...

Japanese post-noise rockers MONO are also scheduled to release a new record on September 12th, titled Palmless Prayer/Mass Murder Refrain- a collaboration with electronic musician Katsuhkio Maeda, more commonly known as World's End Girlfriend. Not content with just one MONO release? Well you are in luck my friend. August 22nd will see the reissue of MONO's explosive second album, One More Step And You Die.

You Dig?

Peace.

-Christian

Dreamt For Light Years...

I have been waiting for this for a very long time...

Kev Kharas for Drowned in Sound has recently reported that the pseudonymous Mark Linkous, better known as Sparklehorse, will be releasing Dreamt For Light Years in the Belly of a Mountain, on September 25th, 2006.

It has been five years since the release of Sparklehorse's third somber opus, It's A Wonderful Life, an album I consider one of my most personal of favorites; a record I've pushed upon every genuine music lover I know. It's hard for me to express just how much this record has meant to me since being introduced to Sparklehorse some four long years ago. How time passes.

On Dreamt For Light Years in the Belly of a Mountain, Linkous will be accompanied by a number of conspirators, including; Tom Waits, Danger Mouse, Christian Fennesz, and Stephen Drodz (of The Flaming Lips). Waits was previously featured on It's A Wonderful Life's cellar-stompin' trip-hop excursion through the "Dog Door". What this cast of creative luminaries will bring to Dreamt For Light Years...I can only imagine.

The full tracklisting for Dreamt For Light Years...is as follows:

'Don't Take My Sunshine Away'
'Getting it Wrong'
'Shade and Honey'
'See the Light'
'Return to Me'
'Some Sweet Day'
'Ghost in the Sky'
'Mountains'
'Morning Hollow'
'Knives of Summertime'
'It's Not So Hard'
'Dreamt For Light Years in the Belly of a Mountain (aka Maxine)'

Dreamt For Light Years in the Belly of a Moutain is my most anticipated release of this year, and I couldn't recommend a better time to get better acquainted with the quiet magic of Sparklehorse.

-Sea Money

and you will know them both by the Trail of Bloody Death Blood!

Christian: Come, oh ye October- let the strangled screaming eagle commence it's bloodcurdling call! Let the Trail of Dead's fifth album be released on Interscope Records, October 3rd- may it rock with fury of Thor's mighty hammer, and be as grandiose as the Dark Side of the Moon itself! Blessed by Billboard Magazine for the divine message of this record release date. Also, blessed be TinyMixTapes for bestowing upon this humble blogger the divine knowledge that Young Machetes, the latest release from the deliciously deviant Blood Brothers, will see the light of day on October 10th, 2006, delivered unto us by V2 Records. It shall be a glorious month indeed- with more orchestral sweeps, battered instruments, and screaming boys in too-tight black t-shirts than the world has ever known!

The tracklisting for Young Machetes is as follows (note: the sequence is yet unconfirmed):

Set Fire to the Face on Fire
We Ride Skeletal Lightning
Lazer Life
Camouflage Camouflage
You're the Dream, Unicorn!
Vital Beach
Rat Rider
Spit Shine Your Black Clouds
1, 2, 3, 4, Guitars
Lift the Veil, Kiss the Tank
Nausea Shreds Your Head
Johnny Ripper/ Stevie Ray Hendixson
Huge Gold Ak-47
Street Wars, Exotic Foxholes
The Giant Swan

All: Huzzah!

Christian: (Aside) And you will know us by the Trail of Dead's last album World's Apart, might have been a overambitious to a fault- if not overproduced- it was by no means the piece of lamentable trash most of the critics and pretentious online press *coughPitchforkcough would lead you to you believe. Worlds Apart was a well-written album, performed with waves of heartful passion rising leagues above the shallow pond of whatever was deemd hip in 2005. Even a year later I find myself listening to the album it from start to finish, still roused by it's genuine energy, passion- a quality which I find is true of all the Trail of Dead albums I own. And you will know us by the Trail of Dead make an appearance on very nearly every mix-tape or cd I make; a band that is worth both your money, time, and attention. Hark! All ye with measure of courage: rescue these artful lads from the void of your local major music retailer, and deliver them unto your iPod our home stereo.

Christian: Come October 3rd, you will know me by the much rejoicing betwixt mine ears!

Angels Who Dig on Trail of Dead: Hark!

-Christian

Wisdom (news)

Does anyone besides myself and my close friends remember The Red Light Sting? In the years since their split, former member Andy Dixon has been making some brilliantly incognito electronic music under the nom-de-plume Secret Mommy. Andy's albums are often centered around specific themes such as; the tropics, recreational activities, mammalia, etc. Well, Winnepeg's Sublight Records is now accepting pre-orders for his latest jilted IDMasterpiece- The Wisdom Ep. Wisdom is composed entirely of, you guessed it, samples taken from Andy's wisdom tooth removal. The 6 song mini-album features remixes by Joshua Kit Clayton, Sun Ok Papi K.O., and Piers Whyte- each track flowing sweeter than bubblegum flouride.

The Wisdom Ep will be released August 29th, 2006, on Sublight Records.

Also seeing an August release will be the North American debut, and first-full length album from Japanese guitar and drum demolition team- 2Up. Teenage Mondo Trash will be released August 8th on Vancouver's Ache Records. As the press release on Ache Records describes:

"Roaring through sixteen jagged, mishappen, pieces of punk rock in less than 30 minutes, Tokyo's 2UP sweat and wiggle wildly. Teenage mondo trash will bring to mind the lost art of punk-house energy and screwball spirit."

Think Melt Banana + Ruins + Hella, and you'll get the picture- all Dadaist paint smeared, drooling from a fried amp's electric cartoonish grin.

Check out these quick tracksss from Teenage Mondo Trash:

2Up - Monpe
2Up - Semedain

Peace everybody.
-$ea

Hella Ain't Shit But Good People + News + Admiring Ruins (review)

Aw now you know that just isn't true!

Not only are Zach Hill & Spencer Seim fine human beings, but they are also Hella amazing. I'm not just talking two of modern music's most prolific amped-up jazz spazzes, I'm talking about two guys who make a racket so fiercly electric they give Lightning Bolt a run for their money! Hella are a masterfully crafted force of freakin' nature, and they've recently made an announcement- they're going Acoustic. On September 12th Hella will be releasing the Acoustics Ep on 5RC records, revamping several of their old calamitous classics into acoustic jam freakouts.

Here's the tracklisting:

1) 1-800-Ghost Dance
2) Women of the 90's
3) Cafeteria Bananas
4) Biblical Violence
5) Welcome to the Jungle Baby,Your Gunna Live!
6) The Devil Isn't Red

I say, Hell-Ya! But if that wasn't quite enough...

Hella will also be releasing a new full-length in January 2007 on Ipecac Records, featuring- get this- a 5 piece band! Hella are planning to take the year off to release the Acoustics Ep and finish recording their Ipecac debut. They are currently on tour with The Advantage, Mick Barr & Zach Hill, and These Arms Are Snakes, and can be found on their merry way towards the following cities:

06-23 Visalia, CA – Howie and Sons Pizza
06-24 San Francisco, CA – Bottom of the Hill
06-25 Sacramento, CA – The Library
06-26 Portland, OR – Loveland
06-27 Olympia, WA – The Capitol
06-28 Vancouver, BC – Red Room
06-29 Seattle, WA - Neumos

In other news...

M. Ward will be coming out with the follow-up to last years Transistor Radio on August 22nd, 2006. The album is called Post-War, and features 12 songs including, of all things, a Daniel Johnston cover!

===============

Ruins - 1985:1992 & Vrresto
Released on Skin Graft Records (2004, 2005)

Released in 2004 on Skin Graft Records, 1985:1992 is an unbelievable reminder of just how revolutionary the explorations of Tatsuya Yoshida's Ruins were- and would continue to be if Yoshida could just find himself a new bassist. The Japanese progressive rock underground has long been noted for taking Western musical forms, subverting and infusing them with Japanese artistic sensibility and traditional music tropes- Ruins, however, were something utterly alien in the Japan of 1985. A combination of the several specific aesthetic influences; a variation on the operatic vocal stylings of Zeuhl- made infamous by French drummer Christian Vander's progressive rock group Magma- numerous punk and progressive rock groups, and the magnitude, craft, and spirit of various shrines, temples, and landmarks- all led to the creation of a mind-blowing drum and bass duo for which there was simply no precendent.

To try and put Ruins into the context of when these songs first appeare, consier this: this was a time before Lightning Bolt, Pink and Brown, Hella, or any of the ever-multiplying wave of "noise rock" bands and LOAD Records imitations we know (and sometimes love) today. Many of these releases were on obscure Japanese labels, or Yoshida's own Magaibitsu imprint- which he still maintains to this day. 1985:1992 was culled from 5 Ruins albums- three of them confusingly all titled Ruins, later tracks featured from the landmark releases Stonehenge and Burning Stone. Yoshida remastered each composition on the record, somehow managing to give the impression that they were all recorded at the same time. In their remastered form, classic Ruins compositions like Zasca Cosca and Praha in Spring, sound even better than they did in their original forms- on Stonehenge and Burning Stone, respectively.

Vrresto, the second Ruins album I picked up from Skin Graft, was remastered in 2005 by Yoshida, and was originally released in Japan in 1998. Vrresto marked the appearance of Ruins' fourth bassist, Sasaki Hishashi- an incredibly gifted musician with a wild thirst for improvisation matched only by Yoshida's own. Vrresto is a transition record, to be sure, and only on occasion does its anarchic structure give shape to the incredible, and occasionally beautiful complexity featured later on albums such as Pallaschtom and Tzomborgha. That being said: Vrresto is a delirious document in Ruins history, and when listening to it one really gets the sense that Yoshida is not simply going through the motions of shouting his ridiculously operatic pseudo-Kobian vocal workouts- but is actually having a great time fucking around with Hishashi. Hisashi, not content with simply being a virtuoso on the bass, also operates a midi-controller while playing- adding colourful synth splashes into the already deliriously exhuberant mix. Vrresto is the sound of two neo-prog warriors fighting a war of absurdity- racing each-other up a mountain of Fun.

Vrresto & 1985: 1992 are both highly recommended to any fan of noise-rock, avant-jazz, Zeuhl, or just joyful, fucked up fun.



Peace

-Christian

Know Your Mothers (review) + News!

A Confession: I do not care for Frank Zappa. In fact, for many years I loathed both the man and the music. Why? Good question. I've always had a profound respect for his talent for mind-numbing electric freakouts and classical composition, but joke albums like Sheik Yerbouti and Apostrophe*/Overnight Sensation are about as appealing to me as hearing Paris Hilton "perform" a duet with Carlos Santana while sodomizing Weird Al Yankovic with a strap-on dildo. Fuck Carlos Santana!

But I digress...

We're Only In It For the Money by Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention was the album that would forever alter my opinion of Zappa; an album so ahead of it's time, and so scathing in it's indictments of the love generation, the Beatles, and the Brain Police, that it practically presents itself as an alternative version of History as we've been led to believe. People often wonder why the dreams of the 60's died. Recorded in 1968, We're Only In It For the Money answers that question in a bold fashion- presenting itself as the ugly antithesis of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Police murdering helpless hippies in cold blood, secret concentration camps on the Moon, and the cash-grab commercialization of "psychedelic truth"- themes of fascist oppression and capitalist exploitation provide the basis for Zappa's deconstructive thesis statement. The second half of the album provides a hopeful alternative to what Zappa sees as being the cruel and meaningless void North American society was becoming via increased State sponsored violence, substance abuse, and the exploitation of art and sexuality. This message is particularly embodied in the surrealist doo-wop of "Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance" which segues into a reprise of "What's The Ugliest Part of Your Body?" to which Zappa answers frankly- your mind.

I realize at this point I've said nothing of the music, which is beyond eclectic. While there are several points in the album that will warrant repeat listening on their own, at 35 minutes, We're Only In It For the Money is a record to be experienced from start to finish. Over the course of barely a half-hour, Zappa & The Mothers satirize The Beatles' bloated pretensions, their dream pop sound, and studio gimmickry with irreverence, ingenuity, noise, and real rock'n'roll spirit.

Highly recommended.

================

And in the news today...

I just read on TinyMixTapes that Sean Lennon is finally coming out with a proper follow-up to his near-classic, Into the Sun. And yes, Cibo Matto's Yuka Honda will be appearing as a guest musician. The album, Friendly Fire, will be released September 26th on Capitol Records.

Which brings me to my next daily digression...

There are a lot of fucking great records coming out in the fall of 2006!

Seriously. This year began with such a slump, and now it seems as if every band worth hearing is coming out with a new record between now and the end of the year. Danielson, you had better watch yourself, or you might just find yourself shipwrecked on my Best of 2006 list.
Which really, only means I'll have to spend more of my precious income on cds. Nooooooooooooooooooo!
Yessssssssssssssssssssssss!

Peace Everybody
-C$

Sex Panther

Oneida's Happy New Year, their eighth full-length album in 10 years, was released today. Pitchfork gave it a 7.2 & Matt Weir from TinymixTapes gave it a 3.5./5 . Marissa Brown of the AllMusicGuide gave the record a slightly more positive review, and CokeMachineGlow's musings were just positively wordy. Normally I don't give much credence to Pitchfork's oft-unbalanced reviews but this one was well considered- a critical review coming from a fan who enjoyed a good record from a group of incredibly talented musicians who could've done better. As for what I think, you're going to have to wait a while to hear my review, as it is going to be printed in the first issue of The Phoenix, along with reviews of Danielson's Ships and The Fiery Furnaces Bitter Tea. The Matthew Friedberger, Kaki King, Mars Volta, and Cansei De Ser Sexy reviews are going to have to wait for subsequent issues (beginning say, mid-September?), but you might see working versions of them on here before they hit newstands in Kelowna.

In the meantime, check out "Up With People", the single from Oneida's Happy New Year.

Oneida - Up With People

Speaking of the paper- it's gonna be really good this year. Well, I can't speak for the entire paper, but the A&E section is gonna be The Balls. I'm talking totally Sex Panther, smellin' of rich mahogany and all that. Yeah.

On a different note, it was reported today by the Associated Press that Syd Barrett is dead. He was 60 years old, living in his mother's home in Cambridge, England, spending most of his adult life painting and gardening to pass the time. Syd's music has and continues to inspire generations of artists, and his story continues to serve as a warning to those who would try and reach the Sun within their own minds, only to suffer a lifetime of being lysergically burned out and left a bare shadow of their former selves. A sad story to be sure, but one that tends to overshadow the music of a truly oddball original. Hope you are happier Syd.

And to the rest of you crazy diamonds, keep on shinin'.

Peace.

-Christian

Viscera Eyes Opened

The Mars Volta have uploaded a new song onto their Myspace account from the upcoming album Amputechture. The song is called "Viscera Eyes", and because of its nine-minute length, had to be divided into two parts. It's definitely something. If this song is to be taken as any indication of what the rest of the album is going to be like, then The Mars Volta have moved further and further from their YES/Pink Floyd comparisons and deeper into the kingdom of King Crimson. I'd be lying if I said I don't have high hopes for this record, especially after the disappointing overproduced mess of a live album that was "Scab Dates", but I'm going to try and give The Mars Volta the benefit of the doubt.

And maybe it's just me, but is Cedric actually trying to make his voice sound somewhat intelligble here?

Things just keep getting weirder and weirder.

Eschew the Tattoo!

Spent my morning thus far working on a short presentation I'm going to be delivering at this conference I'm assisting to organize for the GN Interdepartmental Committee on Climate Change (or, GNIC3 for short). But in between I've been braingasming ways to spend the delicious amount of money I'm going to be flying off this island with in 6 weeks time, and looking at the art of Ken Kagami (see above). At first I kept hearing echoes of "get another tattoo! get another tattoo!" ringing in my head-space, but then it occured to me. This is the first time in my life I'll actually have been able to afford a real, brand-new, instrument. I've been talking about getting a Korg or a Moog for about a year and a half now, and I've decided that seeing as I'll be living in a house where every roomate is a musician, writer, and artist of some stripe- it's time to get back into learning to play something (and having a basement studio/practice space doesn't hurt much either). So middle of next month, say on the 15th of August, I'm going to order myself a Korg microKORG synthesizer/vocoder.

I've tossed figures around in my head and on paper, and it looks like if I eschew my desire to get a new tattoo I can afford to buy all the Korg related gear I'll need/want, and still budget for my rent, cd habit, and steady diet of marijuana, Jagermeister, Heineken beer, and bike rides to the Urban Oasis for vegan samosas mwa hahaha. This year I'm going to have to back off on DVDS and games and all that extraneous bullshit though. Sigh, growing up is tough- and now- with keyboards!

• Sound Generation Method: Analog Modeling Synthesis System

• Synthesizer Program: Multi Timbral=2 (max, Normal/Dual Mode)

• Voices: 4 voices

• Sound Source: 2 Oscillator + Noise Generator,

• Multi Mode Filter (-24dB/oct LPF, -12dB/oct LPF/BPF/HPF), EG x2, LFO x2, o Virtual Patch x4

• Vocoder Program: Voices = 4 voices

• Programs: 128 programs

• Effects: Modulation effects (3 types), Delay (3 types), 2-bandEqualizer

• Arpeggiator: 6 types• Keyboard: 37 Keys (mini-keyboard, velocity sensitive)

• Inputs: AUDIO IN 1, and 2

• Level switch: LINE/MIC,

• Outputs: L/MONO, R and Headphones

• MIDI: IN, OUT and THRU

• Display: 3 characters x1 line with 8 segment LED

• Power Supply: DC 9 V (AC adapter), or six AA alkaline batteries (sold separately)

• Dimensions: 20.63"(W) x 9.02"(D) x 2.8"(H)• Weight: 4.85 lbs.

• Accessories: AC adapter (DC 9 V, 600 mA), Condenser Microphone

Man Capitalism, you've give me so much stuff, but what about AFRICA? You've changed Capitalism, you used to be cool...

PeacecaeP

-Christian

Mango, I Choose You! + Awesomer (review)

Yesterday Rob told me the news that I would be moving into Mona's old room- and I needed to celebrate. I went to the grocery store and bought and ripest mango I could find, and a firm block of smoked gouda. After I came home from the grocery store I went on a long hike, hoping to make it all the way to Apex, but I decided to turn back after wiping a mosquito out from the corner of my left eye. I don't roll like that. When I got home, I sliced that mango up and ate half of the gouda- my dad came home from work and told me that mango was a "fag fruit". Redundancy never tasted so good!

It's no small secret that I can't wait until August because it means I'm able to get the fuck outta here- once and for all, but it has recently come to my attention that there are more reasons to look forward to next month. In fact, there are at least 4 additional reasons.

1) The Mars Volta (what, the greatest modern rock band is coming out with a new album BEFORE the summer is over, how can I not get excited?) - Amputechture on August 22nd
2)Kaki King (she trades in her sick-ass ovation acoustic for a freaking electric!) - Until We Felt Red on August 8th
3)Matt Freidberger (one half of The Fiery Furnaces is releasing two seperate solo albums- packaged together!) - Winter Women / Holy Ghost Language School also on August 8th
and last but not least
4)The "Find Your Inner Tobias" Party. (If you haven't seen Arrested Developement before, it doesn't mean you can't get drunk while wearing cut offs, smeared in blue paint, and rocking out to the Blue Man Group!)

Man I wish I had brought some of that sweet fag fruit to work with me.

Oh, and you'll buy Oneida's "Happy New Year" on July 11th if you know what's good for you (american krautrock, that's what!).

============

Blood on the Wall - Awesomer

Blood on the Wall are a group of indie-rock alchemists from New York; mixing the blood of the Minutemen, the sex juice of Sonic Youth, and the pubes of The Pixies into a concoction that's as shamelessly fun as it is self-aware, and as manic as it is laid-back. “Stoner Jam” steps in with a swagger, black sunglasses, and barely a shrug, but as “Heat from the Day” crashes the party- bottles are smashed, furniture is set ablaze, and some guy you didn’t invite is admiring the deuce he just dropped from the window onto unsuspecting passers-by and screaming “Hey, You! Get the fuck off my cloud!”. While a joyous riot, there's little substance to Awesomer's angular, terrible racket. The album practically reads like the cliff-notes any veteran indie-hipster has already memorized- or at least written on the inside of their palm (cheaters- I'm on to you!). A dash of D.C. Hardcore there, a little Loveless here- you get the picture.

Sister Courtney Shanks has that pack-a-day smoker seductress appeal, and her bass has a smooth, deep tone that keeps the groove tight throughout the night. Her brother Brad on the other hand, is an altogether different story. His broken-glass guitar riffs and shrill, squealing pipes make for a listening experience that would cause Frank Black to wince- wailing lyrics that smack of “everyone is gonna know I wrote these five minutes on used napkins before band practice, and it’s gonna be so awesome”. And much as I'd like to criticize, it is pretty awesome. Nay, it's Awesomer. So go ahead- drink your face off, shake your ass, pick your friends up off the floor, and try not to get a bangover.

-Christian

Good Morning Ma!

taken from an actual email i sent my mom this morning.

"hey mom good morning. how's it going so far? me? feeling good but not looking the part. in my haste to get out the door it seems i missed shaving a part of my face so i've got a wonky little sidemouth moustache. gonna have to get rid of that at lunch time. on top of that, i think i'm constipated. i haven't taken a decent crap in like, at least a day and a half, and it's starting to worry me (i think aside from the screaming inuit ladies, barking dogs, and incredible heat, that's part of why i couldn't sleep last night). if the situation doesn't resolve itself before the day is over we need to go to the pharmacy in the brown building and hook me up with some laxatives.

hope your morning is going as swell as my belly.
-Sonny boy"

her reply.

"Hey bud,

I actually watched that lady screaming last night……..she was walking with a kid coming from the
Apartments across the street, and walked up our driveway and inbetween our place and next door (with all the kids) screaming all the way……..

And then the dogs………..

Even me I have a belly ache this am, which tells me I’m eating too many sweets and not enuf ruffage……..time to make some bran muffins……..maybe I’ll quickly do that at lunch time, cause they only take like 15 minutes to bake……..that will help a lot! So time for more salads, and less sugar!
That’s all it is my love, don’t worry.

Well, wonky boy, I’ll ttyl………I have nothing to do and I hate it! I thought I had lots of dictation to do, but I guess I did it before I left on Friday……"

email your mothers!
peace & evol
-C Money

YARNICORN or Looooong Weekend Losssssss Diablos

Well it's finally here, another exciting slack-filled long weekend! Hooray for nationalism, booze, and fireworks! But wait...If I'm not working on Monday, that means- I've got free time to write new music reviews! That's right. Seeing as it's been like a week and a half since my last posted review (See: The Advantage - Elf Titled, below) and my copies of Koenjihyakkei - Angherr Shisspa & Venetian Snares - Cavalcade of Glee and Dadaist Happy Hardcore Pom Poms arrived in the mail this week (not to mention my copy of The Venture Bros. Season One dvd)- it's probably time I get writing some more reviews for y'all to devour.

And yes, I am at work right now.

And YES, I am HELLA BORED!

.......

*crickets chirp

.......

*wind blows

......

Yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnicorn! (ball of yarn with singular horn, or pirate centuar with single horn poking through tri-corner hat?)

Hmmmm.

Maybe I should do some work...

Mayyyyybe.

Hot Sweaty Arctic Ass Juice!

The absolute worst days in Summer are the ones where you decide to walk up a storm under the unflinching eye of the simmering mid-afternoon Sun, only to finally reach your destination and feel your taint dripping with hot sweaty ass juice. Quite possibly the most uncomfortable feeling ever, and that's how I felt today on the way home from work.

In other less visually displeasurable news, I bought some new t-shirts! I've been scanning Threadless for a while now but until recently very little has appealed to me. I picked up these two yesterday.

(Left: "Let Our Veins Do the Talking", Right: "Psychedelic Creatures")

And then, I picked this And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead tee, deciding it was high-time I buy a shirt from a band I've loved since seeing them utterly demolish the stage on MTV.

P.S.

And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead will be dropping their newest record into my waiting hands on October 6th. No word on the title as of yet.

My copy of Koenjihyakkei - Angherr Shisspa came in today, and I can't fucking wait to listen to it. This is going to be some of most seriously proggy Japanese Zeuhl that ever dared to prog a progger. Super-serious.

Anyways, I'm gonna keep this short today.

Adios Amigos.

-Cee

A Fine Day with a Cat and The Captain.

Yesterday began as pretty average, but as the day grew, it quickly shaped up to be the best I've had all week. After dinner I decided to go for a walk, and I took a burned copy of Opeth's Blackwater Park along with me. I've listened to that album at least a dozen times, but it has never clicked with me before in the way it did last night. Somehow, it managed to perfectly suit the mood and pace of my short hike- leaving me feeling relaxed, satisfied, and subtly blown away by a level of musicianship rarely found in any genre. When I got home, things kept getting better. I decided to put Trout Mask Replica on the stereo and play some We Heart Katamari while drinking some chocolate milk and having a bit of an after dinner snack. After the album ended I gave up on the game, and searched around my living room for something to pass the time. Scouring my parents DVD collection, what did I find, but something I had thought lost for over a year- my Speaking For Trees Cat Power dvd. It's basically just a two hour film of Cat Power (also known in the real world as Chan Marshall), standing in front of some trees, playing her gibson while the crickets chirp and the wind howls quietly- making for what is quite possibly the most intimate and ambient live concert DVD ever. Happy and in need of something soft to settle down to after the Beefheart + Katamari double-whammy, I put Speaking For Trees on and let the organic sound of an outdoor Chan sent me into a state of sweet evening bliss.

And to top off a fucking great day- my copy of C4AM95 - III (otherwise known as The Fucking Champs - III) arrived in the mail. Also, I decided to drop my order of Bend Sinister - Through the Broken City & Gang Gang Dance - God's Money, mostly because I knew that I was still going to pick up Cat Power - You Are Free (which I've been meaning to get for fucking ever, seeing as it's my favorite Cat Power album) as well as Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band's Trout Mask Replica, Safe As Milk, & The Mirror Man Sessions (the remastered versions of Safe As Milk and Mirror Man actually contain enough bonus tracks to comprise what was originally intended to be part of a double-album, which combined with what became Mirror Man and Strictly Personal, was meant to become Brought to You In Plain Brown Wrapper, and would have actually been packaged in a brown paper bag- neato huh?).

Well, that's all for today folks. Please, help control the pet population- spay and neuter them.

Peace.

-Christian

p.s. I miss Merlin. I wish we never had to give him to his owner, especially considering he's just going to end up on the street again. Maybe not next year, but one of these days I am going to have a cat to call my own, and he or she will be be so ruuuuuude, he/she will put the Achewood cats to shame!

Word To the Wizard

Let me tell you something friends, as a word to the wise..Don't bring your death metal cds to work. I'm not saying not to play your death metal cds at work- that should be a given. What I'm saying is, just leave them at home completely. Unless you want the reputation of being the scary office badass, that is.

I bring this up, because today my Necrophagist - Onset of Putrefaction disc FINALLY came in the mail. I picked up the mail shortly after my lunch break, and opened the mail after I got back to the office. I left the cd beside my keyboard, where it stayed beside my disc man until 5:00 when my shift was up. Just as I was about to leave, my boss Jackie came to my cubicle just to talk about tomorrow's plan and what she'll have ready for me when I come in at 8:30. Then, just as she was about to turn and leave, she noticed the cd. "Ooo what're you listening to?" She picked up the disc curiously, noticed the skulls, grinding gears, and rotting corpse on the front cover of the album. Turning the album over, her look of curiousity turned soured as she looked through the track titles on the record.

"Mutilate the Stillborn?...Well, you enjoy that..." She put the cd down, and quickly walked away.

I'm the dude at the office who enjoys eating fetuses. It's official.

Thanks a lot Necrophagist!

-Christian Llewellyn Hardy; student, writer, blogger, office-worker, fetus-eater

I File the Files So Smooth.

Jes jes...Is like, I file files in the cabinet so good you'd think I was making love, sans the papercuts..

Trying to settle into my new job in the Environment Protection Services department with Environment Canada. I was hired on to "assist in the developement of a climate change strategy for the territory of Nunavut", but all I've done so far is do odd jobs and file files- where's the Earth saving! And to top it all off, I think I'm coming down with a cold- in June!

Oh, well...I recently bought shoes made of organic hemp, vegetarian leather, and recycled tire soles. I've done my part dammit!

I should probably get back to pretending like I'm working...

Adios!
-Christian

The Advantage - Elf Titled (review)

The Advantage - Elf Titled
a review by Christian L. Hardy

Concussive bolts of energy whirred past me, shimmering in the glass of my helmet's face-plate. Sweat beaded down my forehead, my wet eyes bloodshot and blurred. Nervously I gripped my rifle tighter, pressing it in closely to my chest. Energy tank low, I descended down airlocked corridors in the deep catacombs of Zebes- firing off blasts into the deep blackness. Finally, I reach my target. It's massive, towering from floor to ceiling- it's magnitude seemingly endless. The single, lidless eye of Mother Brain stares at me coldly. Metroids appear out of nowhere, there is a flash, I dive to move out of the way...

I toss my controller to the floor- screaming obscenities. My mom tells me that I've had enough for today, and to go outside. Fuming, and defeated, I leave- the cartridge still inside the console.

My childhood is populated with scenes like this- hours spent with eyes captivated on the television screen only to end in humiliating defeat at the hands of Dracula, Dr. Wily, or those damned eggplant wizards from Kid Icarus. The Advantage are a progressive rock four-piece who made their debut in 2005, covering the classic themes of the NES games that were the source of so much of my childhood joys and frustrations. Where their debut covered many of the more well-known bases, Elf-Titled tackles the themes of more obscure Nintendo classics, as well as some old favorites. Castlevania, Megaman II, Ducktails, Double-Dragon, and Metroid are just a few of the games feature on the albums sixteen compositions- which include two, three-part medleys.

Not unlike the best NES games which inspired it's creation, Elf-Titled's greatest strength lies in it's replayability, and more often than not, these new renditions surpass the original themes them by giving them a sonic depth and texture the 8-bit system simply wasn't capable of. Bringing these themes to life requires impeccable musicianship, which The Advantage have in spades. Armed with a diverse arsenal of instruments ranging from electric sitars to Hammond organs, The Advantage rock with as much passion as technical precision, coming off as a King Crimson for the Nintendo generation. Elf-titled features a variety of styles, from the hard-driving electro-funk of "Batman - Stage 1" to the symphonic metal medley of "Castlevania III - Boss Music > Willow - Village > Megaman II - Bubble Man", with each composition building in strength until the triumphant finale of "Wizards & Warriors - Tree Trunk > Woods > Victory". Fans of The Fucking Champs, the aforementioned King Crimson, Rush, and The Minibosses should have a lot of fun with this record, making it the perfect soundtrack to a long night of munchies and Mountain Dew in the Mushroom Kingdom.

===============

These videos are part of a live set of The Advantage, featuring renditions of themes from "Castlevania", Air Fortress", "Ducktails", "Goonies 2" and "Megaman II".












Peace & Evol.
-Christian

I used to think badly of cosplayers...

Until I saw these cosplayers...

Katamari is about LOVE people, respect each other.

In other news....

NEW JOBS ARE BITCHIN RAD!

This morning, completely out of nowhere, I get a call from a woman named Jackie from Environment Canada who wants to interview me for a job at 4 o' clock in the afternoon. Of course I say YES- saying of course FUCK YES! in my exhausted mind- and then head straight to bed. My mom wakes me up immediately after I fall asleep, asking me if I want her to come to the house at 3 to make sure I'm awake. I say yes, then go back to sleep. 3:23, I wake up, 23 minutes longer than I was supposed to because my mom forgot to be at the house for 3. Shower, dress, put on a shirt and a tie and lace up my Cons- I'm out the door. Meet Jackie at the Environment Canada office here in Iqaluit. Immediately, we skip the normal interview bullshit, and she just askes me straight up- what I know about Climate Change. I'm like, are you kidding? Where do you want me to start? and the job was mine. I start Monday, and I couldn't be more excited. I've got four or five more shifts to work security, and then I'm free of this vampire lifestyle forever.

In other other news...

My cds from The Advantage, Wizardzz, and Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti came in today. So reviews of those will be posted shortly. And speaking of cd's, lately I've been constructing this two-disc mix cd for Olwen to pass the time, and yesterday I brought my watercolours to work and got busy creating the front and back covers to the record. Here are the results of my midnight labours.

(Above:Front Cover, Below:Back Cover)

Peace&Evol

-C

Gantz: Season 1 Collection (Review)

GANTZ: SEASON ONE COLLECTION

Your Lives Have Ended.

How You Use Your New Lives Is Entirely Up To Me.

That's The Theory, Anyways.

These are the words of Gantz, the featureless black sphere and titular character of the most unique and intruiging animated series that I have seen in years. High-concept and hyper-violent, laced with jet black humor, sex, style, and strangeness- Gantz contains all the qualities that initially drew me into Anime, and are so scarcely found in today's market that i was nearly driven away from the genre entirely. Often, I am reluctant to recommend anime to others, let alone an entire series. However, this is a show that needs to be seen, and is guarunteed to provoke a reaction in whosoever watches it. When it originally aired on in 2004, Gantz garnered enough controversy to be heavily censored on Japanese television- whose standards for violent and sexual content make even the edgiest North American shows seem prudish and blase' by contrast. There are no two ways about it, you will either love it or hate it. That's the theory, anyways.











The series begins when two high-school students, Kei Kurono and Masaru Kato, are hit by an train while trying to assist a homeless man who had accidentally fallen on the tracks. The two are childhood friends, and couldn't be more different from each-other. While gawkers looked upon the helpless man, ready to take picture on their cell-phones and eager at the prospect of seeing a "real live dead person", Kato decided to take action. Kurono, on the other hand, only agreed to help Kato move the man because he was spotted and recognized, feeling guilty and anxious as the crowd of onlookers diffused their responsibilty onto him. Kurono could have cared less whether the man lived or died, and yet reluctantly, he helped escort the man to safety at the cost of his own life. He is the series principle protagonist, a sex-starved anti-hero who only does anything when pushed to the absolute limit, and this opening scene outlines one of the series central themes- how do people react to situations in brutal game of death where the only goal is survival.
















As the train sends their bloodied bodies sailing the air, Kurono and Kato find themselves instantly transported to a bare apartment room filled with a few fellow resurrectees, and black sphere, which one of the people says is called "Gantz". The sphere opens, revealing weapons and "cosplay" suits without any instruction on how to use them, or what they are for. A target is displayed upon Gantz, and those in the room are transported to a quiet, suburban Toyko neighbourhood to hunt down the "alien" displayed on Gantz's screen. The players have 60 minutes, are invisible to the real world, and are forced to stay within a square kilometer, lest their heads suddenly decide to explode. The "game" begins.











What is Gantz? Who are the aliens? Are the players really dead? What happens when you reach 100 points? Who will survive? These questions and more are all asked by a series that examines just how far a person will go to preserve a life they may have already lost. Make no mistake about it, this is a dark, atmospheric anime spiced with scenes of ultra-violence and frankly depicted sexuality. However, one of the most refreshing aspects of this series is that despite it's fan-service and brutal violence, none of this is at the loss of character development, social commentary, or plot. Contrary to most series, in Gantz the characters change and grow over the course of these thirteen episodes. If they manage to live long enough, that is.

















This boxed set collection of the complete first season of Gantz contains 13 episodes, on six dvds. Each dvd is contained in a sleek, thin-pack case featuring artwork related to the episodes contained within. Audio is available in Japanese or English dubs, and I must say, that this series is one of the rare cases where I prefer the English voice overs to the original Japanese cast recording. Extras include ADV previews, original Japanese tv spots for the series, and interviews with the director of Gantz and some assorted cast members. The video transfer is pristine, the quality of which far exceeds anything you're likely to find in a bottlegged or fan-subbed edition of the series. ADV has really outdone themselves with their presentation of Gantz, making this box-set a very appealing addition to the collections of fans and curiosity-seekers alike.

An ultraviolent meditation on human nature at it's worst, Gantz: Season One Collection, comes Highly Recommended.

-Christian

================

note: Gantz: Season Two Collection will be released by ADV Films on July 4th, 2006, and I can't fucking wait.

================

Snoopy-Dance!

Sweet tap-dancing-Christ! I've barely been awake for a half-hour and already today has been sweet. My Guitar Wolf t-shirt & Gantz: The First Stage arrived in the mail today, putting my nerves a little at east. I'm still wondering where my Necrophagist and Arsis cds are, but at least I've got the items I spent the most money on. I was offered a job working for the Department of Mental Health yesterday but turned it down, had I known what it was or had the person offering me the job sounded more enthusiastic I might have accepted, but for now at least I'll still be sitting behind the security desk every night.

Lately I've been reading a lot of manga, which is really strange. Like everybody else, I normally associate manga with Dragonball and stuff I used to like when I was 12, but recently I've discovered many manga series (like the aformentioned, Gantz) that cater to my tastes. Homonculus, a six-volume series by Hideo Yamamoto (author of Koroshiya 1 aka Ichi the Killer) has been my favorite series so far, and right now I'm reading this fucked up 10-volume series called MPD-Psycho about a detective who solves serial murders with the help of his multiple personalities, although it's not nearly that simple. After that I'll be moving onto another series by the author of MPD-Psycho called Leviathan, which from first look seems just as fucked. And then last but not least I'll be ripping through all 18 volumes of Gantz. I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to review any of these mangas after I've finished reading them, but it's up in the air. My copy of Awesomer by Blood on the Wall should be here by the end of the week, and I'll post a review of that for sure once I've given it a good listen.

Until then,
Adios
-Christian