YARNICORN or Looooong Weekend Losssssss Diablos

Well it's finally here, another exciting slack-filled long weekend! Hooray for nationalism, booze, and fireworks! But wait...If I'm not working on Monday, that means- I've got free time to write new music reviews! That's right. Seeing as it's been like a week and a half since my last posted review (See: The Advantage - Elf Titled, below) and my copies of Koenjihyakkei - Angherr Shisspa & Venetian Snares - Cavalcade of Glee and Dadaist Happy Hardcore Pom Poms arrived in the mail this week (not to mention my copy of The Venture Bros. Season One dvd)- it's probably time I get writing some more reviews for y'all to devour.

And yes, I am at work right now.

And YES, I am HELLA BORED!

.......

*crickets chirp

.......

*wind blows

......

Yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnicorn! (ball of yarn with singular horn, or pirate centuar with single horn poking through tri-corner hat?)

Hmmmm.

Maybe I should do some work...

Mayyyyybe.

Hot Sweaty Arctic Ass Juice!

The absolute worst days in Summer are the ones where you decide to walk up a storm under the unflinching eye of the simmering mid-afternoon Sun, only to finally reach your destination and feel your taint dripping with hot sweaty ass juice. Quite possibly the most uncomfortable feeling ever, and that's how I felt today on the way home from work.

In other less visually displeasurable news, I bought some new t-shirts! I've been scanning Threadless for a while now but until recently very little has appealed to me. I picked up these two yesterday.

(Left: "Let Our Veins Do the Talking", Right: "Psychedelic Creatures")

And then, I picked this And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead tee, deciding it was high-time I buy a shirt from a band I've loved since seeing them utterly demolish the stage on MTV.

P.S.

And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead will be dropping their newest record into my waiting hands on October 6th. No word on the title as of yet.

My copy of Koenjihyakkei - Angherr Shisspa came in today, and I can't fucking wait to listen to it. This is going to be some of most seriously proggy Japanese Zeuhl that ever dared to prog a progger. Super-serious.

Anyways, I'm gonna keep this short today.

Adios Amigos.

-Cee

A Fine Day with a Cat and The Captain.

Yesterday began as pretty average, but as the day grew, it quickly shaped up to be the best I've had all week. After dinner I decided to go for a walk, and I took a burned copy of Opeth's Blackwater Park along with me. I've listened to that album at least a dozen times, but it has never clicked with me before in the way it did last night. Somehow, it managed to perfectly suit the mood and pace of my short hike- leaving me feeling relaxed, satisfied, and subtly blown away by a level of musicianship rarely found in any genre. When I got home, things kept getting better. I decided to put Trout Mask Replica on the stereo and play some We Heart Katamari while drinking some chocolate milk and having a bit of an after dinner snack. After the album ended I gave up on the game, and searched around my living room for something to pass the time. Scouring my parents DVD collection, what did I find, but something I had thought lost for over a year- my Speaking For Trees Cat Power dvd. It's basically just a two hour film of Cat Power (also known in the real world as Chan Marshall), standing in front of some trees, playing her gibson while the crickets chirp and the wind howls quietly- making for what is quite possibly the most intimate and ambient live concert DVD ever. Happy and in need of something soft to settle down to after the Beefheart + Katamari double-whammy, I put Speaking For Trees on and let the organic sound of an outdoor Chan sent me into a state of sweet evening bliss.

And to top off a fucking great day- my copy of C4AM95 - III (otherwise known as The Fucking Champs - III) arrived in the mail. Also, I decided to drop my order of Bend Sinister - Through the Broken City & Gang Gang Dance - God's Money, mostly because I knew that I was still going to pick up Cat Power - You Are Free (which I've been meaning to get for fucking ever, seeing as it's my favorite Cat Power album) as well as Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band's Trout Mask Replica, Safe As Milk, & The Mirror Man Sessions (the remastered versions of Safe As Milk and Mirror Man actually contain enough bonus tracks to comprise what was originally intended to be part of a double-album, which combined with what became Mirror Man and Strictly Personal, was meant to become Brought to You In Plain Brown Wrapper, and would have actually been packaged in a brown paper bag- neato huh?).

Well, that's all for today folks. Please, help control the pet population- spay and neuter them.

Peace.

-Christian

p.s. I miss Merlin. I wish we never had to give him to his owner, especially considering he's just going to end up on the street again. Maybe not next year, but one of these days I am going to have a cat to call my own, and he or she will be be so ruuuuuude, he/she will put the Achewood cats to shame!

Word To the Wizard

Let me tell you something friends, as a word to the wise..Don't bring your death metal cds to work. I'm not saying not to play your death metal cds at work- that should be a given. What I'm saying is, just leave them at home completely. Unless you want the reputation of being the scary office badass, that is.

I bring this up, because today my Necrophagist - Onset of Putrefaction disc FINALLY came in the mail. I picked up the mail shortly after my lunch break, and opened the mail after I got back to the office. I left the cd beside my keyboard, where it stayed beside my disc man until 5:00 when my shift was up. Just as I was about to leave, my boss Jackie came to my cubicle just to talk about tomorrow's plan and what she'll have ready for me when I come in at 8:30. Then, just as she was about to turn and leave, she noticed the cd. "Ooo what're you listening to?" She picked up the disc curiously, noticed the skulls, grinding gears, and rotting corpse on the front cover of the album. Turning the album over, her look of curiousity turned soured as she looked through the track titles on the record.

"Mutilate the Stillborn?...Well, you enjoy that..." She put the cd down, and quickly walked away.

I'm the dude at the office who enjoys eating fetuses. It's official.

Thanks a lot Necrophagist!

-Christian Llewellyn Hardy; student, writer, blogger, office-worker, fetus-eater

I File the Files So Smooth.

Jes jes...Is like, I file files in the cabinet so good you'd think I was making love, sans the papercuts..

Trying to settle into my new job in the Environment Protection Services department with Environment Canada. I was hired on to "assist in the developement of a climate change strategy for the territory of Nunavut", but all I've done so far is do odd jobs and file files- where's the Earth saving! And to top it all off, I think I'm coming down with a cold- in June!

Oh, well...I recently bought shoes made of organic hemp, vegetarian leather, and recycled tire soles. I've done my part dammit!

I should probably get back to pretending like I'm working...

Adios!
-Christian

The Advantage - Elf Titled (review)

The Advantage - Elf Titled
a review by Christian L. Hardy

Concussive bolts of energy whirred past me, shimmering in the glass of my helmet's face-plate. Sweat beaded down my forehead, my wet eyes bloodshot and blurred. Nervously I gripped my rifle tighter, pressing it in closely to my chest. Energy tank low, I descended down airlocked corridors in the deep catacombs of Zebes- firing off blasts into the deep blackness. Finally, I reach my target. It's massive, towering from floor to ceiling- it's magnitude seemingly endless. The single, lidless eye of Mother Brain stares at me coldly. Metroids appear out of nowhere, there is a flash, I dive to move out of the way...

I toss my controller to the floor- screaming obscenities. My mom tells me that I've had enough for today, and to go outside. Fuming, and defeated, I leave- the cartridge still inside the console.

My childhood is populated with scenes like this- hours spent with eyes captivated on the television screen only to end in humiliating defeat at the hands of Dracula, Dr. Wily, or those damned eggplant wizards from Kid Icarus. The Advantage are a progressive rock four-piece who made their debut in 2005, covering the classic themes of the NES games that were the source of so much of my childhood joys and frustrations. Where their debut covered many of the more well-known bases, Elf-Titled tackles the themes of more obscure Nintendo classics, as well as some old favorites. Castlevania, Megaman II, Ducktails, Double-Dragon, and Metroid are just a few of the games feature on the albums sixteen compositions- which include two, three-part medleys.

Not unlike the best NES games which inspired it's creation, Elf-Titled's greatest strength lies in it's replayability, and more often than not, these new renditions surpass the original themes them by giving them a sonic depth and texture the 8-bit system simply wasn't capable of. Bringing these themes to life requires impeccable musicianship, which The Advantage have in spades. Armed with a diverse arsenal of instruments ranging from electric sitars to Hammond organs, The Advantage rock with as much passion as technical precision, coming off as a King Crimson for the Nintendo generation. Elf-titled features a variety of styles, from the hard-driving electro-funk of "Batman - Stage 1" to the symphonic metal medley of "Castlevania III - Boss Music > Willow - Village > Megaman II - Bubble Man", with each composition building in strength until the triumphant finale of "Wizards & Warriors - Tree Trunk > Woods > Victory". Fans of The Fucking Champs, the aforementioned King Crimson, Rush, and The Minibosses should have a lot of fun with this record, making it the perfect soundtrack to a long night of munchies and Mountain Dew in the Mushroom Kingdom.

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These videos are part of a live set of The Advantage, featuring renditions of themes from "Castlevania", Air Fortress", "Ducktails", "Goonies 2" and "Megaman II".












Peace & Evol.
-Christian

I used to think badly of cosplayers...

Until I saw these cosplayers...

Katamari is about LOVE people, respect each other.

In other news....

NEW JOBS ARE BITCHIN RAD!

This morning, completely out of nowhere, I get a call from a woman named Jackie from Environment Canada who wants to interview me for a job at 4 o' clock in the afternoon. Of course I say YES- saying of course FUCK YES! in my exhausted mind- and then head straight to bed. My mom wakes me up immediately after I fall asleep, asking me if I want her to come to the house at 3 to make sure I'm awake. I say yes, then go back to sleep. 3:23, I wake up, 23 minutes longer than I was supposed to because my mom forgot to be at the house for 3. Shower, dress, put on a shirt and a tie and lace up my Cons- I'm out the door. Meet Jackie at the Environment Canada office here in Iqaluit. Immediately, we skip the normal interview bullshit, and she just askes me straight up- what I know about Climate Change. I'm like, are you kidding? Where do you want me to start? and the job was mine. I start Monday, and I couldn't be more excited. I've got four or five more shifts to work security, and then I'm free of this vampire lifestyle forever.

In other other news...

My cds from The Advantage, Wizardzz, and Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti came in today. So reviews of those will be posted shortly. And speaking of cd's, lately I've been constructing this two-disc mix cd for Olwen to pass the time, and yesterday I brought my watercolours to work and got busy creating the front and back covers to the record. Here are the results of my midnight labours.

(Above:Front Cover, Below:Back Cover)

Peace&Evol

-C

Gantz: Season 1 Collection (Review)

GANTZ: SEASON ONE COLLECTION

Your Lives Have Ended.

How You Use Your New Lives Is Entirely Up To Me.

That's The Theory, Anyways.

These are the words of Gantz, the featureless black sphere and titular character of the most unique and intruiging animated series that I have seen in years. High-concept and hyper-violent, laced with jet black humor, sex, style, and strangeness- Gantz contains all the qualities that initially drew me into Anime, and are so scarcely found in today's market that i was nearly driven away from the genre entirely. Often, I am reluctant to recommend anime to others, let alone an entire series. However, this is a show that needs to be seen, and is guarunteed to provoke a reaction in whosoever watches it. When it originally aired on in 2004, Gantz garnered enough controversy to be heavily censored on Japanese television- whose standards for violent and sexual content make even the edgiest North American shows seem prudish and blase' by contrast. There are no two ways about it, you will either love it or hate it. That's the theory, anyways.











The series begins when two high-school students, Kei Kurono and Masaru Kato, are hit by an train while trying to assist a homeless man who had accidentally fallen on the tracks. The two are childhood friends, and couldn't be more different from each-other. While gawkers looked upon the helpless man, ready to take picture on their cell-phones and eager at the prospect of seeing a "real live dead person", Kato decided to take action. Kurono, on the other hand, only agreed to help Kato move the man because he was spotted and recognized, feeling guilty and anxious as the crowd of onlookers diffused their responsibilty onto him. Kurono could have cared less whether the man lived or died, and yet reluctantly, he helped escort the man to safety at the cost of his own life. He is the series principle protagonist, a sex-starved anti-hero who only does anything when pushed to the absolute limit, and this opening scene outlines one of the series central themes- how do people react to situations in brutal game of death where the only goal is survival.
















As the train sends their bloodied bodies sailing the air, Kurono and Kato find themselves instantly transported to a bare apartment room filled with a few fellow resurrectees, and black sphere, which one of the people says is called "Gantz". The sphere opens, revealing weapons and "cosplay" suits without any instruction on how to use them, or what they are for. A target is displayed upon Gantz, and those in the room are transported to a quiet, suburban Toyko neighbourhood to hunt down the "alien" displayed on Gantz's screen. The players have 60 minutes, are invisible to the real world, and are forced to stay within a square kilometer, lest their heads suddenly decide to explode. The "game" begins.











What is Gantz? Who are the aliens? Are the players really dead? What happens when you reach 100 points? Who will survive? These questions and more are all asked by a series that examines just how far a person will go to preserve a life they may have already lost. Make no mistake about it, this is a dark, atmospheric anime spiced with scenes of ultra-violence and frankly depicted sexuality. However, one of the most refreshing aspects of this series is that despite it's fan-service and brutal violence, none of this is at the loss of character development, social commentary, or plot. Contrary to most series, in Gantz the characters change and grow over the course of these thirteen episodes. If they manage to live long enough, that is.

















This boxed set collection of the complete first season of Gantz contains 13 episodes, on six dvds. Each dvd is contained in a sleek, thin-pack case featuring artwork related to the episodes contained within. Audio is available in Japanese or English dubs, and I must say, that this series is one of the rare cases where I prefer the English voice overs to the original Japanese cast recording. Extras include ADV previews, original Japanese tv spots for the series, and interviews with the director of Gantz and some assorted cast members. The video transfer is pristine, the quality of which far exceeds anything you're likely to find in a bottlegged or fan-subbed edition of the series. ADV has really outdone themselves with their presentation of Gantz, making this box-set a very appealing addition to the collections of fans and curiosity-seekers alike.

An ultraviolent meditation on human nature at it's worst, Gantz: Season One Collection, comes Highly Recommended.

-Christian

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note: Gantz: Season Two Collection will be released by ADV Films on July 4th, 2006, and I can't fucking wait.

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Snoopy-Dance!

Sweet tap-dancing-Christ! I've barely been awake for a half-hour and already today has been sweet. My Guitar Wolf t-shirt & Gantz: The First Stage arrived in the mail today, putting my nerves a little at east. I'm still wondering where my Necrophagist and Arsis cds are, but at least I've got the items I spent the most money on. I was offered a job working for the Department of Mental Health yesterday but turned it down, had I known what it was or had the person offering me the job sounded more enthusiastic I might have accepted, but for now at least I'll still be sitting behind the security desk every night.

Lately I've been reading a lot of manga, which is really strange. Like everybody else, I normally associate manga with Dragonball and stuff I used to like when I was 12, but recently I've discovered many manga series (like the aformentioned, Gantz) that cater to my tastes. Homonculus, a six-volume series by Hideo Yamamoto (author of Koroshiya 1 aka Ichi the Killer) has been my favorite series so far, and right now I'm reading this fucked up 10-volume series called MPD-Psycho about a detective who solves serial murders with the help of his multiple personalities, although it's not nearly that simple. After that I'll be moving onto another series by the author of MPD-Psycho called Leviathan, which from first look seems just as fucked. And then last but not least I'll be ripping through all 18 volumes of Gantz. I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to review any of these mangas after I've finished reading them, but it's up in the air. My copy of Awesomer by Blood on the Wall should be here by the end of the week, and I'll post a review of that for sure once I've given it a good listen.

Until then,
Adios
-Christian